Log in

01 January 2012 @ 09:43 pm
Here's something I found in an old notebook. Date says December 9th, 2009. Thing is, I don't remember what happened back then but for some reason, this post gave me hope. It made me smile. Hope it does to you too:

The world is crumbling around my drifting soul as the rays of the fading sun continue to penetrate through the approaching darkness. As the world falls into complete darkness, my soul wanders the Earth in search for any sign of life. Nothing. No sound can be heard. No movement can be seen. No creatures to answer my cries for help. There is a passing breeze but no trees to rustle. Soon, the breeze would also disappear and never return, leaving me in this monstrous land, it's emptiness and silence devouring my poor weakening soul. Just as I was about to fade and be part of the emptiness, a golden streak of light grabs on to my soul, forcing me to close my eyes from its brightness. I was disturbed by it. I was lost with no hope of being found. I wanted to fade. Seize to exist. Disappear. But this light would not let me. Then it hit me. This light is the answer to my cry for help. Someone or something is reaching out to me. Looking for me. Searching for a way to save my soul from the mass destruction. Hope is restored. I hold on to my escape rope, waiting to saved. Detirmemed to be! Some time passes as my whitening knuckles keep holding on. Finally, it's here. The sun. It rises again to eliminate the darkness. The world lives again. Animals, humans and trees all wander the Earth again and my soul lingers on still. It is retired to my body.
I smile again..

Posted via m.livejournal.com.

Tags: ,
30 December 2011 @ 11:30 pm
Dearest grandmother,

Were you just a dream? Must it be as fast as a blink of an eye? It feels like the ground beneath my feet opened and so I fall. I keep falling and as I fall, a crack appears in my heart as I realize you will not be at the bottom to catch me. I close my eyes and I'm a little girl again. I'm standing in the doorway and you spread your arms for me to run to. We go to your room and you put on some of your perfume. Oh, that smell that I have always loved. It's time for dinner. I sit on your lap like I always do. Time fast-forwards and I've grown older. I'm sitting next to you. They say you have Alzheimer's…
"But you're smiling at me like you always have, your face glowing as ever…"
Days go by and your body starts to give up on you.
"But she won't forget me…" I think to myself.
I was wrong.
As the years race by, your fragile body sits on a wheelchair. Your glow is still there yet I can't help noticing it fading away. "Are you still there, Jadda Badra?" I ask. You hold my hand and smile. Hope finds its way back to my heart and I smile back with tears in my eyes. Not long after, your one and only love and my beloved grandfather falls sick and leaves this world. Even though you have forgotten your own children's names, your face gleams with tears and you call out "Abu Aa'del." maybe it was a blessing in disguise that you've forgotten this world. I'm afraid to think about how you would be feeling like if you had known that grandfather had passed on. Time fast-forwards again. I'm standing on stage in my high school graduation robe. You're not in the crowd but at least I know you're still here to witness me in one of life's glories. I visit your now impossibly quiet house. You're in your bed, sleeping like a baby. I kiss your forehead and tell you how much I love you, wondering if I had said it enough throughout the years. Three years later, December 22nd, 2011, my mum's birthday. I wake up to a knock on the door at 9:00 a.m. It's mum. I want to wish her a happy birthday but…
"Your grandmother passed away…" she drops the bomb.
Time stops.
I go blind for a few moments.
I feel myself walking back to my bed and start crying. I can't say goodbye because my little brother is sick and I have to stay home and take care of him. I can't go pray with everyone the next day either. I get news from Reem that the paramedics said you had died half an hour before anyone knew. The fact that you had died alone after nearly 7 years of illness stabs my soul like a flaming dagger. I mourn your death as my helpless body falls still.
My feet finally touch the bottom. It was surprisingly soft. I come to a realization that you never truly left. I'll still see your glowing face in the full moon. I'll see your beauty in the flowers on the sidewalk everyday. Your elegance in the waving trees and I'll wave back. I'll feel your warm embrace in my jacket and I'll hear your sweet voice in my heart. So now I bid thee farewell. As hard as it may be, I bid thee farewell. You'll forever be in my heart. I still cry as I write this but the people in my life make me smile again. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine... Soon enough.

Your loving granddaughter,
23 September 2011 @ 03:34 am
Thursday night. The official Family Gathering night of the week. Usually a very pleasant night, filled with laughter, coffee and tea, occasional dancing and the loudness of the playing children. This Thursday night was a bit different for me. I bet no one noticed as I am basically an expert at playing nice. The story begins when one of my aunts (whom I truly love and respect) mentioned her niece, my cousin. She expressed how annoyed at her for, prepare your self, not commenting on the blackberry group as much as her sister does! I let that pass, even though I consider that cousin my wife (inside joke). Right after that, the subject turned into m uncle's family (Father's side). I know we're not close at all but to call them ugly when my sister and I are sitting right there is a bit... 
To tell you the truth, I actually don't like that family except the father, neither do my siblings not my father. Here's the problem: Calling them "Not good looking" then saying my brother looks like them! I let that one pass as well..
Then comes my grandmother. Oh how I love her but she can say a few really hurtful things sometimes. She's mad at my father since he and mom had a fight almost 3 months ago. They haven't fought since then, so people should let it go, right? wrong. I know it was a big fight that caused me to attend an Accounting mid-term without getting even an hour of sleep which caused me to get a C+ in that course. And I know it keeps me awake a lot of nights, wishing I had done something about it. I know I have to cry myself to sleep whenever I think about it. I know it almost caused the fall of our family. I know makes me so worried it would happen again till I got polycystic ovaries. I know it makes my heart beat so fast whenever I wake up in the middle of the night after hearing a few loud noises, thinking it's another fight when it's actually my parents laughing at an Egyptian play. But no one else knows all that. What makes my grandmother say all she says about my father? We are trying to keep this family a happy one, even if we have a few roadblocks to pass, without her saying all that she says in front of my mom and I. I don't know how longer I'll keep that smile plastered on my face. I don't want to break down in tears in front of anyone, I never have except in the occasion of someone's death or illness. I'm usually a somewhat quiet person so I never said anything. Just kept smiling in silence while my blood boiled and my tears were kept at bay. There's nothing I can do about it. I'll just keep praying my heart doesn't break any time soon. 


P.S.: Polycystic ovaries is not a serious condition and can be treated in 6 months inshallah. I'm entering my second month.  
Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated
14 July 2011 @ 08:32 pm
 I wrote this a while back. about two maybe three years ago. I need to start writing again, it kept me sane at one point. so check it out guys, let me know what you think! 

A Poem to Save Our World ©

Every day my heart shatters, my soul is torn

Day after day our hatred for each other has grown

We’ve killed men, we’ve killed women and we’ve killed children

We’ve even killed babies before they were born

* * *

Our hearts have blackened when they were once white as snow

We’ve torn countries and families with every shot and blow

We’ve put out the candle of hope so it would never again glow

This is all our own doing and nothing else’s throw

* * *

The Earth complains every night and every day

“Why do this to me?” it asks with tears, no foul, no play

Animals kicked out of their own forests when wanting to stay

Trees cut down, no mercy, and on the ground now they lay

* * *

Dolphins, whales and even sharks too

Mad at humans for not keeping their oceans blue

Children being orphaned, and why? They haven’t got a clue

Every three seconds a human in Africa dies, oh yes it’s true

* * *

“You’ve got your head in the clouds” people might tell me

But I will not stop till I get every creature free!

Wars all over and all the big ones care for is freakin’ tea!

I’ll ask for help from every one and I shall even plea

* * *

“You can’t save the world” they say, but at least I try

I’ll try every way there is, and if need be, I will even fly

It will not be an easy job, I won’t lie

But I won’t sit here while humans, animals and all the plants die

* * *

All around the world, wars, poverty and starvation

It will not all go away with a simple incantation

Let’s stick together and be a family, not just a nation

Don’t be shallow and only think of your summer vacation

* * *

What’s the point of fighting when there’ll be nothing to fight for?

You’re healthy and you have your family, so what do you need more?

Children playing in the back yard with pets whined up on the floor

They bleed to death, so did you have to? Or were you just having a bore?

* * *

Close your eyes and imagine that happening to your own kids

Babies all over needing bandages and a lot of meds

Hospitals so full that they’re in need of much more beds

The problem with you is if any one wants peace then off with their heads

* * *

You don’t even try to listen to what we’re saying

Why don’t you understand what all of us are doing?

We lay in our beds every night just wishing

Wishing to be heard, understood or thanked for trying

* * *

You say sacrifices must be made for more freedom

What I think you need is the strongest word of wisdom

And if all this keeps up I‘ll announce treason

Don’t waste you lives bickering with guns and just live ‘em

* * *

You think you’re all so smart to have survived till now on Earth

But animals did it first and you know it’s the truth

So stop and think about what all of this is worth

Stop killing every creature that gives birth

* * *

Our grandchildren won’t see polar bears, is that fare?

Animals are put to sleep to make some purses and fake hair

Why do I even bother? You’ll never learn to share

And you who only talk get a move on instead of just glare

* * *

Mr. Harrison Ford is against killing tigers and with him I am

One day I’ll be as big as him and you’ll all be saying “Yes, Ma’am”

Then you’ll do something instead of sitting eating P.B and Jam

And when you do, then you’ll truly have true (Salam)

* * *

That’s an Arabic word which means peace

In Arabic, English, Spanish or even words of Greece

You’ll never understand the true meaning of the word (peace)

Well, I’ll bet you you’ll get it if you ask your little niece

* * *

“Stand for what you believe in” is what I always say

I’ll do what ever possible till my hair turns grey

I’ll destroy whatever’s in my way like a prey

“You’ll give up one day” you say but I say “No way”

* * *

You don’t even listen to an animal saying “Have mercy”

You should’ve known you would have the curtsy

You’re feelings died after your first kill, so you don’t see

I’ll have help from every land and every sea

* * *

How much time do we have? Not a lot

I won’t stop moving unless I get caught

And I’ll need help from all you lot

I’ll need all the courage, dedication and words you’ve got

* * *

Use every power you have and don’t hold back

If we all unite together we’ll be as tall as Shaq!

And we’ll whiten their hearts which have turned black

We’ll win this fight with a shout and a smack

* * *

So join me troops and let’s lose no time

Let’s get together; it’s our time to shine

Don’t think about it and here just sign

I know for sure we’ll do it and bells shall chime


Comments Are Welcome
Current Mood: blahblah
14 July 2011 @ 07:56 pm

Minna domou~
In light of the #ISUPPORTNEWS trending topic that took place on Twitter and I think on Twipple as well, I decided to make a 
series of NEWS covers! Now I don't really think I have a singing voice but I'm happy with my first cover ever!
Made a couple of mistakes with the words but I just kept going and it turned out well I think. First cover is Summer Time to
go with the Summer vacation! Enjoy! 
P.S.: Please post comments on YouTube if you'd like! Comments are love! 

Stay tuned for more! If you have a particular song you'd like me to do, please don't hesitate to let me know! 
A few people said I sounded like Sandara Parks from 2NE1 (Don't know her) but I don't know. What do you think?

Current Mood: blankblank
Current Music: Funky Monkey Babys - 旅立ち
24 February 2011 @ 06:54 pm
If someone insults you when you're walking down the street, what do you do?

Well it depends on the insult. I'd either glare at them while passing by or, wait for it...SMILE! yep! I find it easier to just smile and walk away. It will either piss them off, which is what they were trying to do to me OR it would make them feel shamed of themselves and would want to apologize. Why ruin my day just because someone I don't even know is having a bad day/attitude? ^_^ 
Current Mood: stressedstressed
Current Music: Takuya Ohashi - Hajimari no Uta
15 February 2011 @ 03:00 am

I always believed in Keii-chan's song writing abilities! It was about time that he unleashed the magic!
Uri Sarang is his first self written song and it was written in three different languages: Japanese, Korean and English!
It was aired on February 11th, 2011 which is my birth month. The PERFECT early birthday gift EVER!
I am so proud of my boy~ *sigh* they grow up so fast..
so! Here, I bring to you and MP4 version of the clip which is iPod friendly. It's not in the best
quality so if you have a better version, please don't hesitate to share with us ^_^
Please let me know if the link doesn't work and I'll try to fix it.


[DL] Mediafire Link

credits go to THIS PERSON for the original file

Speaking of The Shounen club, what do you guys think of KoyaMaru graduating from it? It seems like HSJ are taking over. I'd like to know your opinions on that.

You comment, you get a cookie! 
Current Mood: impressedimpressed
Current Music: Good Life by OneRepublic
17 January 2011 @ 08:58 pm
That girl is KILLING ME!!
I'm not feeling so well today so I slept at around 3:00 pm and put the alarm to wake me up at 6:00. I had to go to uni today for a presentation so I had to wake up at 6:00 am so I can drop my sisters at school before heading to uni. I'd only slept for four hours!! I do realize that the science final is on Thursday which means I have three days to study but she called at 5:30 pm and my sister told her I was sleeping but she told my sister to wake me up "right now!" so I was like ok. I picked up the phone and said hello then started the yammering about how I haven't started studying yet AND I that I was STILL sleeping, and keep in mind that I have my *whispers* (period) today so I felt half dead, but that didn't stop her from telling me off! I was like, I'm waiting for my mom to get back from work so I can eat lunch with her then start studying which is what I always do. I can't study if I don't eat first plus I have to sit with my mom so lunch time is the best time for that. Then she was like, "So? While waiting for her to get back, study a bit! God! Can't you do two things at once! I already finished chapter ten!" That's when I almost ALMOST snapped at her. I told her that I had to go to uni so early in the morning, she asked me how the presentation went then started again with her lecture! I mean, I know you have good intentions but LAY OFF a bit!! I've known you for six years, almost seven, and I always finish studying before you do! You don't have to keep annoying me about studying! I don't know why I never tell her off! When I almost did today, it felt good to know that I do have it in me. "You are so spoiled!" she kept saying! Grrrrrrr~~!!!! What should I do?? ok I just decided! If it happens again, I'm just gonna tell her how I feel.
well... that felt good. I gotta do this venting thing more often.
Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated
Current Music: Johann Strauss - Blue Danube Waltz
22 November 2010 @ 05:30 pm
This is the first time I'm doing a meme. I stole this from abi_chan
Seemed interesting and I needed something to calm my aching head..
ok here goes nothing:

10 things I'd like to tell to 10 different people right now (No names)

1. You don't deserve the life you had or the people you were surrounded with
2. I MISS YOU~ Can't wait till you're back home tomorrow~
3.I love you and your family buuuut.. GO HOME!
4. So what if you don't like me? Believe me I couldn't care less! Everyone knows you're jealous..
5. I miss school days when we used to see each other all the time~
6. We're your effin' nieces and nephews too, aren't we?? oh yeah I forgot! You only call us when you need a lift from the air port! The fun and good times are only with THEM!
7. Dude.. stop being so stuck up. My shoes are more expensive than yours but I didn't say anything, did I??
8. Marry me!!!
9. But I did nothing wrong!
10. It's ok. things can only get better from now on. Just be patient. we're all here for you.

9 things that (maybe) you don't know about me

1. I cry a lot. that's how sensitive I am. If you're close to me then you'd know that
2. I HATE it when people criticize my work even if for helping me improve. I listen to and accept it but I hate it!
3. I'm not that good of a cook even though I ADORE food! I'm learning..
4. With older people and with people I just met I might seem poise, wise and "Lady like" but with my sister, when we're alone and high, I'm like a firecracker that was lit by accident!
5. You can talk to be about anything and I'll listen but I might judge a bit depending on what you tell me even though I wont tell anyone what you told me..
6. I might be very indecisive sometimes!
7. Even though my sun sign (Aquarius) says that I'm not romantic, I plan to be EXTEMELY romantic, caring, loving and the whole shenanigan to the one I will love!
8. I find it very stupid how people are addicted to their Black Berries. I REFUSE TO HAVE ONE
9. I DO try to work and study hard! I just have a massive memory and procrastination problem!

8 ways to steal my heart

1. BE or BRING ME Koyama Keiichiro
2. Have a sense of humor. Be funny and make me laugh
3. Take care of me when I'm sick and make me feel that you're worried about me even if you become mad at me for not taking my medicine
4. Comfort me when I'm sad and when I say comfort I mean COMFORT damn it!
5. Stand up for me~
6. Be childish sometimes.
7. Be supportive of anything I do!
8. Be honest with me but in a respectful way

7 things I often think of

1. NEWS!! and I mean the Japanese boy band not the news news..
2. The future..
3. Current events that occur to my family, friends and relatives.
4. My body shape however shallow that may seem
5. classes and university and graduation..
6. My baby brother and his needs and desires and playing with him
7. ways of making my parents proud of me

6 things I wish I never did

1. Making my mom cry because of me that one time
2. Giving him that piece of paper from hell when I was 13
3. Not backing up the pictures on my camera
4. Befriending that girl from school years ago. Lost another friend for a year because of her
5. Giving that girl the story I wrote for the school writing contest (Which I didn't make a copy of.. I know.. I suck.) SHE NEVER GAVE IT BACK!! I asked another out mutual friend to ask her to send it back to me but she still forgets..
6. Traveling with my uncle, his wife and kids to Europe. Daughters and wife gave me hell!

5 things that gross me out in a boy

1. Greasy hair!! EEEEEEW
2. Bad breath and dirty teeth *barf*
3. Acting like he's the best in everything
4. Bad manners either with people, with himself or when eating. I mean no one wants to see what the food looks like when it reaches your stomach!
5. HUGE muscles!! normal buff and muscles I'm ok with. Just none of those body builder muscles. They creep me out.

4 things that start me up in a boy

1. I'm Back fetish so if a guy has a tall broad back.... I drool.
2. Wide, bright, straight smile.... *sigh*
3. The way he looks at me. I emmediatly turn into a tomato and my heart goes DOKI DOKI DOKI DOKI
4. His passion and dedication for something.

3 emoticons that describe my life now


2 things to do before dying

1. Performing Hajj
2. Going to Japan with my husband and kids

1 confession
I might might might still feel embarrassed whenever I see you

whew!! That was one long meme!!
Ok so now it's done. I enjoyed making it~ Hope you enjoy reading it too!

Tags: ,
Current Location: TV Room
Current Mood: accomplishedaccomplished
Current Music: Planetarium by Otsuka Ai
14 October 2010 @ 02:31 pm
Do you think space exploration is important? Is it worth the billions our governments spend?
It's only natural that we're curious to know what's out there. Not to find aliens o whatever but imagine that we don't know that there are other planets other that Earth. Many things would be affected. I for one agree that exploring space is important. We will never know everything about space, I'm sure of that, but just the possibility of finding something fascinating is exciting. It's kinda like a treasure hunt. Once you find the treasure, everything changes! Knowing how important it is to take care of Earth for example, since there is no other planet we can live on. Thanking God that he put us to live here instead of suffocating on the moon is something to think about as well. I've always wanted to go to outer space (it's on my list of things to do before I die XD) Not as an astronaut but just like visit the moon or see Earth from that high up would be amazing. Therefor, the billions spent by our governments is worth it cus I heard that some day there's gonna be a trip to the moon for us! YAY!
Current Mood: lazylazy